Our phone died, so the Executive Chef went off to town to get us a new one. I would have come back with a basic and boring phone, but the Executive Chef got an amazing one instead.

This phone makes technology worthwhile: It can block numbers, so annoying callers will be sent directly to the appropriate circle of hell, and I’ll never hear from them. It can block those people who identify as ‘private caller’ or some such nonsense, too. The phone’s night mode feature lets me say when night is for me, and that I don’t want calls during those night hours. Perfect for preventing the phone from ringing at 3am when an overseas caller gets time zones mixed up.

It can store numbers, and put those numbers in groups, like friends, family, delightful Gabriola people, annoying creatures, and so forth. Then – oh, this is the best! – it can assign different rings to each group. So now when the Executive Chef phones home the phone plays a symphony to announce that it’s my beloved.

It’s sad that one should need this kind of thing, really, but if this is what it takes to avoid telemarketing on Gabriola and other annoyances, so be it.