Ahem. You Gabriola people who love heat? I don’t know how you function in marrow-melting temperatures like this. I sit around saying bad words and wind up doing absurd things to stay cool.

If you see me in the woods these days, you’ll think I look like a suicide bomber. This is because I wear a vest made of camo fabric that looks, um, padded. But it holds four large ice packs, ok? So it’s all cool, very literally cool. I love this vest, and would give up running water before I’d part with it. Who cares if I look stupid? Sartorial spendour can wait until winter. And who’s gonna see me in the woods, anyway? Nobody, I hope.

I have achieved pretty much nothing since the absurd heat arrived, unless you count watering the sweet peas and drinking beer.